Data Products Slice & Die!

I’ve been thinking about the wonderful world of data products! Yikes! Well, it’s a popular subject right!

So, I thought why not have a bit of fun as it’s Thursday and we are nearing the weekend! It’s been a tough few days and I need to vent!

I’ve often wondered what happens in the afterlife of our dearly departed data products. All that debt, hey, just lying around! Not harming anyone!

So, the virtual graveyard, is where they all end up. A beautiful utopia where algorithms go to retire and dashboards kick back in eternal chill mode.

Now, I know what you are thinking, has he lost his marbles?

Or are you asking “What on earth in binary hell is a Virtual Graveyard?”

Well, it’s like a VIP club for retired data, where outdated code parties like it’s Y2K, and old machine learning models are sipping on virtual mojitos, reminiscing about the good old data-mining days. 😂

But, there is a big problem with that right?

ESG!

Here is some wisdom about being eco-friendly. Well it’s not just about hugging trees, it’s about hugging servers too!

I’ve got long arms and the servers are nice and warming too!

So here I outline some things that all data teams can plan around to greenwash (I mean ESG the crap out of stuff!)

👉Recycling Bin Diving: Forget bin diving; we’re diving into the recycling bin for some quality reusable code. It’s like a charity shop for algorithms – reduce, reuse, and keep those digital threads alive!

👉Data Product Pet Cemetery: Imagine a serene virtual space where data products kick back, surrounded by tombstones that read, “Here Lies Excel 2003 – It VLOOKUP’d its last.” Pay respects with well-documented comments <sarcasm>, and maybe leave a virtual flower emoji.

👉Comedy Roasts for Data: Let’s roast those outdated data products with love! Picture a virtual stand-up gig where deprecated algorithms grab the mic and spill the binary tequila (or tea) on their digital misadventures.

So, in the immortal words of our data forefathers: (No I’m not getting political):

“Ask not what your outdated data products can do for you, but what you can do for your outdated data products!”

No code was harmed in the process of creating this post!